The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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