i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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