1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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