Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
