I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
