You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
