Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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