I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
