Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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