And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
