went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
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