this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
