there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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