I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
i would one night stand the shit outta him
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
