we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
