Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
