I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
