I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
