What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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