I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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