You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
