i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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