i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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