Don't you send me to vm
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
