I wanna bring you to show and tell
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
