i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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