It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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