I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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