he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
