please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
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