grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
