please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
