i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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