at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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