you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
