You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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