If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
