I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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