you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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