I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
