You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
