You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Your shirt... Was in my pants
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
