There is no way he is gay with that hair.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Houston, we have a squirter
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize