so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
