cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize