Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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