is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
