Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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