Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
