My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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