using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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