I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
i believe in u and ur pee
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
