your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
