I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
