I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Randomize
