She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
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