Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
