We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
