you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
