As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
