Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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