You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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