Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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