; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
