is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize
