Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
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