I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
