Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize