we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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