Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
