Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
