i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
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