i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
